elective insomnia

t o h e a l a n d b e h e a l e d

man, what a year. and here i am, an ‘adult’ i suppose.

walking into my room tonight (in my boss’ house, which is 100% scent-free) i was suddenly hit with the overwhelming realization that i was actually done with college, and that this is it.*

suddenly i miss my friends, i miss my disgusting dormitory, i want to be seen and heard and felt and i want the people that can do that for me to be close by.

the experience of snapchatting has transformed from a menial social application to a way of re-connecting. i listen to joanna newsom and remember discovering her in the middle of nowhere in the french countryside through a friend who sang her songs throughout our journey. i know now that month i spent there dancing and participating in the MADE-in-FRANCE program, was the most beautiful experience of my entire life.

and beautiful experiences are hard. because it hurts to look back on them. almost as if it must have been a dream, i can’t believe what i have been through. all that i have overcome.

it seems i have always been looking for a family. a hippie family.

because i never fit in where i was from. i never related to my mother, or my father, and i always felt out of place. and i think, in this crystal-filled new-age victorian, in this communal living, i think i may have found it. a home, or something like it. 

i have always just wanted to be free. from what, i don’t know. but every day i vow to take a new step forward. 

so, come over (if you are unscented)

and make music and dance with me.

it’s all i want,

all i’ve ever wanted.

~hum~